Friday, Dec 23, 2011

Hot dog debate ripe for punning. Toronto personified, plays it cool.
Saskatoon deftly evades potential porn gaffe. War abstracted, applied
as metaphor to gridlock. One way or another, parking a cash cow. Death
unexpected. Justice served, such as it is. Accused led sad, miserable
lives. Kidnapper's middle name 'Junior', last name 'Senior'. Concept
of efficiency used to consolidate power. Banana company talks about
taking moral stance, reassures it won't. California still more like
Africa than Toronto.

Thursday, Dec 22, 2011

Festive spirit could lead to accidental mangling and death. Trashy website owner has principles. Displaced vendors raised children on hot dog revenues, now what? Lifeless statue won't feed shoppers. Lives went totally to shit, affected others. Notion of Canadian values doesn't need clarification. Sociopathy a real thing. "A leader in the field" not a real thing. Police give thieves cool names. 

Wednesday, Dec 21, 2011

Guy named Smokey Thomas presides over public service union. Not everybody a fan of corporate tax cuts. Hockey player denies online penis, professor contacted for numbingly obvious comment about the internet. Overwhelmed health care system leads to individual bad experiences. Violent criminals forced to share jail space. Dead don't come back to life, observes detective. British boy's Christmas delusions elaborately confirmed by housing developer, to great expense.

Tuesday, Dec 20, 2011

Local elephants to retire in elephant paradise. Justice system and news agency make a good team. Neighbors express disbelief over murder in unison. A man named Kevin didn't hear dispute that led to suspicious death. Horrific crime described. Corpulent villain scores low on psychopathy test. North Korea may just become an even weirder hell. Pervert has a chin-strap beard. Trains to airport to be fueled by ancient forests.

Friday, Dec 16, 2011

Police act decisively to recover television host's lost phone. Man tiger seems interested in lady tiger then kills her. Rob Ford sees the big picture, pits taxpayers against city workers in new year's grudge match. Stabbed man also stabbed in heart by justice system. Most Canadians agree with Conservatives on one issue. Stolen Metropass leads to death and misery. Drug world violent. More security solves problems. Cops not guilty. Ford pushes tax cuts and spending cuts as unrelated issues.

Thursday, Dec 15, 2011

Doctor can't stop loving Shania Twain too much. G20 detainee presumed guilty. Religion politicized, creates problems. Accused terrorist banned from the Internet. Border Services Agency ignores spirit of Christmas. Analogy to the Holocaust doesn't go over well. Public transit eventually to cost more. Drag racing a bad idea. Gang members had a bayonet. Slumber party goes awry with bleach and knife attack. Police dislike oversight. Nothing happens at bank robbery. Woman born in the 19th century doesn't die until last week.

Wednesday, Dec 14, 2011

Guitar full of cocaine just lying around at the airport. Guy gives guy
hockey pads back. City councillors dislike each other, make dismissive
comments. Police budget intact. Canceling transit plans turns out to
be expensive anyway. Still talking about sex on the subway, some admit
exhibitionism a thrill. No one noticed baby was missing. Horrible
man's new girlfriend doesn't believe it. Assault worse because victim
was blind. Imam referred to as "raging Imam". Car insurance rates
unfair.

Tuesday, Dec 13, 2011

Gay penguins forced into heterosexual relationships. Impatient lovers encouraged to find a more appropriate venue than the subway. Man develops questionable habit of touching women's thighs while pretending to sleep. Charity not a real charity. Plastic bags still cost five cents. Hospital tries to overcharge. Police chief wants free parking for cops. Muslim woman sees no big deal in removing niqab for security. Canada backs out of Kyoto. Drunk driver feels really bad. Book club seeks to shame Rob Ford.