Tuesday, Jan 24, 2012

Hockey player borrows vague misinformation to make dramatic public performance of his right-wing alarmism. Baby in a suitcase. Props not just for comedy. City staff not kids anymore. Scary shit going down in Mexico. Slapstick moment ends in death. Rob Ford affirms the supremacy of mind over matter, deprives himself for the benefit of all Canadians. Tiny, little baby dinosaur dies 195 million years ago.

Friday, Jan 20, 2012

Barely masked municipal hatred for unions now pathetically unmasked. Crushing loneliness awaits foreigners. City councilor's kid got crap on his hands. "Why not?" attitude answered decisively. Pretending becomes horribly real. Lawyer tells the biggest lie on the planet Earth, says fancy-pants. World time delegates conflicted over leap seconds. Surveillance video of naked woman not really relevant to trial, just sort of weird.

Thursday, Jan 19, 2012

Suicide best option, decides traitor. Money seems like a lot of money. Too much much representation for residents, says city councilor. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, says another councilor trying to sell off poor people's homes. Protesters make a lot of stupid comments. Imaginary money becomes real money becomes devastating ruin for top execs. Shivery old dog enjoyed by people that love tiny dogs.

Wednesday, Jan 18, 2012

Time capsule full of old stuff, probably. Mentally ill man does poor job of holding responsibility. Sun readers propose vigilante justice for dog-neglecter. Rob Ford claims huge victory from budget defeat. Cops stabbed guy with a pen, took his sapphire. Massive outrage buried in Facebook. Conservatives want smaller government, say Conservatives endlessly.

Tuesday, Jan 17, 2012

New coffee size makes urination certain. Paying for sex clearly not the same as not paying for it. Everybody hates the budget and each other. City offers union patently shitty deal. Rob Ford just can't be doing it all at 330 lbs, says Rob Ford. A bunch of people speak French. A bunch of people have the clap. Crime and law enforcement similar, sometimes the same.  Province wants people to gamble more.

Friday, Jan 13, 2012

Schizophrenic killer enjoys a quiet cup of coffee. Gunshots mistaken for fireworks. City and union endure three minutes of negotiation before giving up. Clothes are the shackles of the physical world, says man with floppy genitals. Marriage ends in divorce. Man who accidentally shot Rob Ford's sister at a Ford family party that got out of hand in 2005 now happy not to have contact with them anymore. Bus driver fired for eating chocolate bar. 17-yr-old basketball player enthuses over architectural drawings. Airport screeners fight back with tedium.

Thursday, Jan 12, 2012

Liberal bent to the system blamed for escaped criminal. Budget has lots of details. Closing daycares may affect working mothers. Gentleman Jim more man than Rob Ford, says Gentleman Jim. Inurement to death not consistent with military values. Genocide designer really nervous after the fact. Cops freak on old lady. Man named Zopittybop-Bop-Bop uses drugs on a tennis court.

Tuesday, Jan 10, 2012

Man inspects breasts unnecessarily. Good citizen would have acted differently. Evil exposed, encouraged to rehabilitate. Father's disappointment turns to anger, thinks it's all about him. City Hall utterly devoid of conciliation. Turkish gun has name you want to shout. There are reasons why stuff costs more, apparently. Guy upset about parking ticket. Criminal's double life sort of ironic. 

Monday, Jan 9, 2012

Not a real emergency for pant pockets. Cuts to services means fewer services. City wants the power. Mistaking stranger for friend has worst conceivable outcome. Thought of paradise consoling. Pantslessness intended for comedic effect. Guy accidentally runs off a roof! Copywright infringement actually a crime. Nature the underdog. One accident doesn't mean stop doing it, says Zambian Tourism Board.